Social Media and Mental Health.

As humans, we're biologically wired to crave connection and belonging with others. We need the companionship of others to thrive in life. The bonds we form play a significant role in our overall mental health and happiness. It can even impact how long we live.

A lot of us turn to social media when we experience boredom. Boredom leaves us anxious. We feel disconnected and have the need to immediately fill the gap. So we open an app and start scrolling in order to keep our brains occupied and filled with information that doesn't necessarily leave us feeling better. But hey, at least we aren't bored.

I, however, think boredom deserves more attention. Glennon Doyle says it best in her book Untamed, "the itchiness of our own skin is where we discover who we are. When we are bored, we ask ourselves: What do I want to do with myself? We are guided toward certain things: a pen and paper, a guitar, the forest in the backyard, a soccer ball, a spatula. The moment after we don't know what to do with ourselves is the moment we find ourselves. Right after itchy boredom is self-discovery. But we have to hang in there long enough without bailing."

Next time you're bored and you feel that anxiety clawing at your gut, resist the urge to reach for your phone. Don't turn to a digital platform to bridge the gap. Sit with your boredom and think of other ways you can spend your time. Use your brain and body to participate in something more fulfilling.

Think back to when you were a kid. Before you had a phone, what did you do with yourself? If you're like me, you did some weird stuff. You made your little brother dress up in costumes and created mini musicals together. You rounded up the neighborhood kids and played "The Ground is Lava" at parks, you played four-square in the driveway, went sledding, created fake worlds and used your imagination.

Growing up, I didn't get a phone until the end of 8th grade. This doesn't seem all that long, but all of my friends had phones by 5th grade. I felt a bit ostracized and left behind from conversations I could be having with friends when we weren't at school or having a playdate. No matter how much I begged, my parents wouldn't budge. They said I had to wait until my 13th birthday.

At that time, I was pretty resentful. I felt I was missing out on some inside jokes and hangouts because the plans were made via text rather than chats at recess. Looking back, I'm still friends with some of those girls and my social development wasn't hindered in the slightest. In fact, I find myself pretty comfortable in most social scenarios. I credit this to building that muscle of in-person connection rather than relying on a screen to communicate my thoughts during my formative years.

Overall, I'm not a huge fan of social media. A Fickle Life doesn't have a huge online presence because I try to stay away from it myself. I know there are positive aspects to it such as connection, spreading the word for an important cause, small business promotion, etc. But overall, I find social media as a means to fill a void. Most people seek online connection in order to stave off loneliness; to seek direction in life; to see what they should buy to feel part of the "in-crowd" rather than relying on their own gut, knowledge and needs.

Instead of leaving us fulfilled and happy, social media leaves us with unrealistic expectations and comparisons. It creates a constant nagging that we are not enough.

Not pretty enough.

Not thin enough.

Not rich enough.

Not funny enough.

Not healthy enough.

Not tall enough.

Not smart enough.

It tells us that we aren't perfectly fine just the way we are. When we feel as though we're missing something, we seek a way to find that ever-elusive "something." This seeking leads to an increase in anxiety and depression.

Between 2009 and 2017, rates of depression among kids ages 14 to 17 increased by more than 60%. The increases were nearly as steep among those ages 12 to 13 (47%) and 18 to 21 (46%). In 2017 - the latest year for which federal data are available - more than one in eight Americans ages 12 to 25 experienced a major depressive episode.

The same trends held when researchers analyzed data on suicides, attempted suicides and "serious psychological distress" - a term applied to people who score high on a test that measures feelings of sadness, nervousness and hopelessness. (Time)

This growth occurred concurrently with the growth and promotion of smart phones and digital media (social media, texting and gaming).

How to curb your social media use.

1. Rearrange your apps to a less visible screen.

I noticed that as my social media use increased, so did my anxiety and feelings of emptiness. In order to reduce my use and call attention to the addiction, I moved the apps to the last page of my phone. When they're out of sight, they're more likely to be out of mind.

Additionally, by moving them elsewhere, whenever I go looking for them, it is more of a conscious effort rather than a subconscious action. It reminds me of my intentions and reasons for moving the app in the first place.

2. Limit your screen time.

I'm pretty sure most apps and phones have the option to limit your screen time. Once that limit is reached, the app will notify you.

I'm not a huge fan of this approach because I find that it awakens my inner rebel. If a notification is telling me to stop, my thought process is: "Screw you, I'm an adult and I do what I want." Then I ignore the notification and probably scroll longer than I normally would have just to spite my better-intentioned-self. But maybe you're less petulant than me and this would work well for you.

3. Turn off notifications.

Notifications pull you in. If you're in the middle of living your life and hear your phone ding or feel it buzz, your kneejerk reaction is to glance at your phone. You're pulled out of the present moment and training your brain to light up with gratification whenever you get that notification.

By turning them off, your phone use naturally goes down and you come to realize that if something is truly important, the information will find it's way to you without the need for opening a colorful app.

4. Go on an unfollowing spree.

If you find yourself drawn to these apps (which is understandable - they're scientifically proven to be addictive), at least set yourself up for success. Go through all of the people and accounts you're following and ask yourself: "Does this person/account bring me joy or add positive value to my life?" If the answer is "no," "not really," or "meh" - unfollow. You don't owe them anything. You owe yourself a positive mental headspace.

5. Delete the apps.

If you're feeling particularly ballsy and fed up, take the plunge and delete the apps entirely. If you don't have the temptation on your phone at all, you'd be surprised how much lighter you feel and how much more time you get back in your day to fully live your life.

To take it one step further, you could even delete your accounts entirely. If you watch The Social Dilemma on Netflix, you'll discover that people who work(ed) at Snapchat, Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, etc. don't allow their children to have profiles. There's a reason for that. They know the goal of these apps is to have you spend as much time on your phone as possible. Get addicted and earn them money for viewing their targeted ads that make you feel insufficient.

Like I said earlier, I don't want to completely negate the fact that social media has some positive attributes, but overall, I think we're better off without it.

For more information, check out The Social Dilemma on Netflix.