How to Prioritize Yourself Before Work.

From what I've found, there are four main reasons we run ourselves into the ground for our work:

1. We experience "work guilt" if we log off or set up boundaries.

2. We want to earn a promotion and move up quickly to make more money.

3. We gain our sense of self-worth from how productive we are.

4. We don't realize there's another way.

Which one applies to you? Maybe one or more of them do. However, a lot of what pushes us to work is derived from a sense of fear. Fear that we aren't enough. Aren't rich enough, aren't helpful enough, aren't worthy enough.

So, how do we combat these fears and establish work boundaries without feeling bad?

My philosophy (adapted from Headspace) is that there is no work/life balance. It's all just life. We aren't on this earth to work for a company and then die. We're here to experience a fickle life and not take it too seriously.

The truth of the matter is, if you died, your company would replace you within a week to a month. The world keeps going with or without you.

Knowing this can help provide perspective and alleviate some guilt of needing to work in overdrive.

Let's go through each of these reasons and look at some a different way of thinking so that you better prioritize yourself and your needs above a company's.

First up: Work Guilt.

A lot of us feel guilty when we log off work, especially if our bosses or colleagues are still online. We may feel guilty taking a day off, or taking a break for a walk or to eat lunch. We may feel bad if we don't work 9+ hour days.

This feeling - the need to keep working - is something I've come to refer to as work guilt. We all experience it. It's common in American culture and it seems as though companies set up the subliminal expectation that we should be always be "on" without them having to tell us. So we have a hard time logging off without a sense of guilt and foreboding.

If you experience work guilt, here are some things to keep in mind: You don't want to set a precedent for your colleagues that you'll always be available whenever they need you. You'll experience more stress and burnout if you do this. By setting boundaries, you'll create healthy working dynamics and realistic expectations. If you're a manager, this is especially important because you're setting the example for your direct reports.

Second: Climbing the Corporate Ladder.

Many of us have seen others work a ton and excel quickly. We hear stories of our friends, colleagues and the know-it-all from college receiving promotions with exorbitant titles and lots of money. We want to be like them and become extremely successful very quickly.

Something to note if this is your mentality:

Stay in your lane. If you go through life constantly comparing yourself to others, you'll never feel satisfied. We do this when we're uncomfortable with things as they are and we fight against reality rather than accepting it. We work ourselves into the ground in order to change the present. In doing so, we sacrifice the things we enjoy outside of work (our interests, relationships, free time, etc). This bodes for an unhealthy mentality and a shallow life. Even if you get the promotion, you may not feel satisfied. You'll just keep thinking the "grass is greener" sometime down the line without ever accepting that the grass is green right where you are.

Don't take it from me, Thitch Nhat Hanh (my favorite Buddhist monk) said:

"Being rich is an obstacle to loving. When you are rich, you want to continue to be rich, and so you end up devoting all your time, all your energy, in your daily life to stay rich."

I'm not saying money is bad. I'm saying living for the sake of money is bad. Your sense of purpose shouldn't be derived from money. Money shouldn't detract from living. It is meant to be a tool that can be wielded for enjoyment. You can invest in yourself, you can travel, you can donate to meaningful causes, you can change the world. But only if you give yourself permission to be "enough" and to enjoy it rather than continuing to work to prove your worth. Which leads into our next reason people overwork. . .

Third: Deriving Self-Worth from Productivity.

If we think of setting a boundary - for example: stop working after an 8 hour day - we may worry about being perceived as lazy. We may worry that the company will think we aren't dedicated to the mission. We may worry that we aren't giving the company our all.

Luckily, most of these subliminal thoughts were constructed in our heads based on our own assumptions. They aren't true in most cases.* We still need to establish boundaries to avoid burnout and build up our sense of self-worth internally rather than externally from our work.

Here's some perspective: Setting boundaries at work isn't lazy and it doesn't make you a bad employee. It allows you to enjoy your life, recharge and be able to give your best effort due to the positive mental health that comes from taking care of yourself.

If you have "too much work" to do, you can tell yourself a few different things:

1. No one is going to die if you don't work an extra hour or two (unless you're a surgeon). Your tasks will get done eventually without you having to run yourself into the ground.

2. Talk to your boss about your workload and see if anything is being done to alleviate the pressure. If not, ask if something can change. If you're stuck, start looking for another job. This company isn't valuing you as a human; they're taking advantage of your cheap labor.**

*If your company promotes the idea that you need to work until everything is done or you aren't a good employee, start looking for a new job. You don't want to be in that environment. You should want to work for a company that wants you to prioritize your mental health and sees you as a person rather than a cog in the machine.

**Take your salary, and divide it by the number of hours you work a week and divide that number by 52. That's your hourly rate. I'll bet it isn't as high as it should be for all the work you're putting in and the life you're sacrificing.

Last: Good Companies Exist.

Sometimes, we get trapped into working for crappy company after crappy company and begin to believe there isn't anything else out there. Or we know they're out there but believe we can't get those jobs; they aren't available to us. I'm here to tell you that there are great companies out there. You just need to know where to look and the right questions to ask.

I work for an amazing company that is 100% remote. My team is scattered around the U.S. in different time zones and we all have various working hours. These working hours are respected and even encouraged. My company sees us as people before employees.

Not only are we compensated equitably, we also get a lot of perks. We practice "Summer Fridays" all year long. We have unlimited time off. We get a monthly wellness stipend to spend on things like gym memberships, massages, fitness classes, etc. to ensure that we take care of ourselves. We get free annual subscriptions to Headspace meditation and we aren't expected to work overtime.

If you want to work for a company like this, here are a few questions you can ask in the interview process:

1. What is company culture like?

2. What is the company's stance on work/life balance? I'm only asking because in order to do my best work, I need to make sure I take care of myself.

3. What does a typical day in this role look like?

4. What is your management style?

Based on the answers, trust your gut if this is a place you want to be or not.

Setting Boundaries.

Below are some things you can do to implement boundaries at work to ensure that you prioritize yourself and your peace of mind.

1. Set up working hours in your calendar. This allows people to only put time on your calendar when you are online. If someone tries to book something outside of your working hours, propose a new date and inform them you'll be offline at this time. (Pro Tip: block off a half hour in the morning to wake up, sift through emails and orient yourself for the day).

2. Create a realistic and reasonable plan for the following day at the end of your workday. Once you have established the things you hope to get done the next day, stick to them. Don't add to your plate. If something else comes up, reprioritize - don't work later, push something else off that can wait.

3. Have a conversation with your boss about needing to take better care of yourself so that you can put your best foot forward for the company.

4. Turn off your notifications for work apps on your phone. Don't tempt yourself to check your email or look at your messages if something pops up on your screen outside of your working hours. If it's urgent, they'll text or call.

5. Remind yourself that no one is going to die. Things will get done.

6. Set up some activities in your personal life to reinforce the importance of relationships and pursue interests outside of work.

7. Leave your laptop at the office or put it out of sight when you're done for the day.

Let's change subliminal corporate expectations. We aren't here to work and then die. We're here to live a fickle life to the best of our abilities. If you need help navigating work boundaries, let's schedule a session and get you on your way to living a better life.